Inner child work

and why do we need to do it?

Look at a photo of yourself when you were a child. What do you see? What do you remember? How do you feel? If it is all happy memories and fun, then maybe you don’t need to read this. But most of us had some trauma in our childhood. Maybe you have lost someone you lovedor have been bullied. Some have experienced neglect or abuse. And some simply haven’t been loved and never felt safe. At the same time this child from the picture loved to play right? And to explore, to learn, to laugh with friends, to enjoy all the positive and had a set of coping mechanisms to deal with the difficulties. 

But as grown-ups we physically look nothing like the child from the picture. So where is this child gone?  

No matter how old we are our inner child remains within us. Just because we are in an adult’s body it doesn’t mean that the child part of us doesn’t exist anymore. Yet It does! And subconsciously quite often our inner child is in control when we are in a difficult situation. 

As children we learn to adapt to the environment and develop coping mechanisms to deal with the things that hurt us. We then carry those coping strategies in adulthood and when triggered we may react with a sudden outburst of fear, anger, or jealousy without intention. 

In TA the term inner child is used to describe the individual’s child like aspect. It is an unconscious part of who we are. If as a child, we have been mistreated and had to deal with a lot of negativity we might have learned how to internalise that negativity. We might have started thinking that we deserve to be treated badly. Adults with wounded inner child often fear of abandonment and feel unloved no matter how hard people try to show them the opposite. They may feel guilty about things that are out of their control. They may have developed trust issues as a defence mechanismbecause they have been hurt too many times in childhood. They may also often struggle to set and maintain boundaries. Anger issues are also common. And so, if as an adult you often feel any of the above without a logical reason you might have not overcome the trauma that happen to you as a child. Looking back and exploring your past trauma could help you better understand your behaviours and get to the roots of your fears. Healing your inner child might start with just expressing yourself without shame, without being judged and might help you to accept, respect and love that part of you which you might have tried to keep hidden for so long.